| Speaker
|
Dialogue
|
| N/A
|
(The episode begins with Dan sitting on his bed with his head resting on his hands.)
|
| Dan
|
I can't believe how much I hate everything. (The door knocks and Dan walks over to open it)
|
| Supermodel
|
Hi Dan, I just moved in next door. I'm a supermodel.
|
| Dan
|
I don't care who the IRS sends I am not paying taxes.
|
| Supermodel
|
(Laughs) You're cute. And so clever. (She picks up Dan) If you kiss me, I'll make you pancakes.
|
| N/A
|
(Dan is about to kiss the supermodel when her face turns into a monstrous figure that screams at him. He wakes up to find that he is kissing his alarm clock that is ringing.)
|
| Dan
|
Oh, come on! (He throws the clock across the room and slaps his face.) Can almost taste those pancakes...
|
| Dan
|
(Dan gets out of bed and slips on a pie) Ugh!...Arggh! Ooof!
|
| Dan
|
(Dan walks out of his apartment) Arrrgh… No supermodel, no pancakes…pfft, reality! Why can't I wake up from this?
|
| Dan
|
(Dan spots his car and gasps) My car! Three long scratches!? Coarse grey fur!? (Dan sniffs the fur, licks it and spits it out) Pawprints!? Deductive reasoning leads me to the conclusion that there is only one possible culprit! WOLF-MAN!!!
|
| N/A
|
(The Dan Vs. The Wolf-Man logo appears on screen, a wolf sound effect is heard).
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to Chris watering his tomato plant when his mobile phone rings. He looks at the caller ID to see it is from Dan.)
|
| Dan
|
Pick up the phone, pick up the phone, pick up the phone, pick up the phone! (Dan appears on the other half of the screen) Are you screening this call? No one screens me! I will not be screened!
|
| Chris
|
(Chris sighs, answering the phone) Hello?
|
| Dan
|
Chris! Get over here!
|
| Chris
|
Dan, I thought your court-ordered evaluation was today.
|
| Dan
|
I am not going, I have been wronged!
|
| Chris
|
Again?
|
| Dan
|
I can't believe it either! I demand vengeance!
|
| Chris
|
Who is it this time?
|
| Dan
|
The worst, most devious sub-human of them all!
|
| Chris
|
The Mailman?
|
| Dan
|
Close... The Wolf-Man!
|
| Chris
|
The Wolf-Man? Like from the movies?
|
| Dan
|
Like the movies, but a real one.
|
| Chris
|
Uh-huh...
|
| Dan
|
Just get over here!
|
| Chris
|
Yeah, I told Elise I wouldn't help you with revenge anymore so…
|
| Dan
|
Get over here right now! (Dan hangs up)
|
| Dan
|
(The phone rings again, Chris answers it) I said now! (He hangs up again).
|
| Chris
|
(Chris walks over to Elise, who is on a laptop) Hey Elise, do you need anything from the store?
|
| Elise
|
Was that Dan on the phone?
|
| Chris
|
Yeah, he says he's been wronged.
|
| Elise
|
Who is it this time?
|
| Chris
|
The uh...Wolf-man. (Elise is silent, she raises an eyebrow) I know...
|
| Elise
|
So you're going.
|
| Chris
|
Well, you told me you didn't want me helping Dan with his missions of vengeance anymore.
|
| Elise
|
I just said you shouldn't let Dan push you around, you can go if you want.
|
| Chris
|
Well, in that case, I'd better go. Dan said to get over there right now.
|
| Elise
|
(Sighs) Have fun.
|
| Chris
|
Love you! (He gives Elise a kiss)
|
| Elise
|
Don't do anything- (Chris exits the house before she can finish) stupid...
|
| Dan
|
(Cut to Chris walking over to Dan outside his apartment.) What took you so long?!
|
| Chris
|
Nice to see you too...
|
| Dan
|
Stupid Wolf-Man, I'll get you!
|
| Chris
|
There's no such thing as a Wolf-Man, Dan.
|
| Dan
|
How could you be so naive?! Look at the fur! Look at the paw prints!
|
| Chris
|
There's an animal shelter right there.
|
| Dan
|
Look! (A sneaker print is shown).
|
| Chris
|
Those are sneaker prints.
|
| Dan
|
Exactly!
|
| Chris
|
Exactly what?
|
| Dan
|
What wears shoes but also has paws? (He flicks through a magazine and shows Chris a picture of a wolfman) The Wolf-Man!
|
| Chris
|
So you're saying that the Wolf-Man's a jogger.
|
| Dan
|
He's an evil beast with an unsavory bloodlust. Of course he jogs!
|
| Chris
|
If he's wearing shoes, what's with the paw prints?
|
| Dan
|
Obviously, he runs like this. (He demonstrates by getting down on his hands and feet, running around and making growling noises)
|
| Chris
|
He doesn't run like that in the movies.
|
| Dan
|
This isn't the movies, this is real life! Stop living in a fantasy world!! The Wolf-Man scratched my car and he must pay! Next month!
|
| Chris
|
Why next month?
|
| Dan
|
Next full moon, don't you watch movies?
|
| Chris
|
So what are we doing today?
|
| Dan
|
Nothing, go home! (Dan runs back inside his apartment).
|
| Elise
|
(Cut to Chris sitting next to Elise while reading a book) No revenge today?
|
| Chris
|
Nah, it got pushed back to next month, full moon and everything.
|
| Elise
|
Makes sense, sort of.
|
| Chris
|
(Chris catches a passage in his "Toxic Buddy: Coping with an Angry Friend" book) Ohh, I should have said that...
|
| Elise
|
That wouldn't work. Too subtle.
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to a night sky as text reads "ONE MONTH LATER" as owls hoot and a scream is heard as the text changes to "HALLOWEEN NIGHT". Elise is handing out candy to three trick-or-treaters and heads inside. Chris is seen sitting on a recliner, chocolate all over his face as he eats candy from a bowl. Chris' phone rings and he answers it.)
|
| Dan
|
It's the full moon again tonight. Get over here!
|
| Chris
|
It's Halloween.
|
| Dan
|
What?! So?
|
| Chris
|
So, I'm handing out candy with Elise.
|
| Elise
|
Chris, did you just eat all the candy? Again?
|
| Chris
|
(Chris looks down in the candy bowl to see there are only two pieces left) Uh...yes. (Grins with chocolate on his face and teeth)
|
| Elise
|
If I bring more candy out, will it last until the trick-or-treaters get here?
|
| Chris
|
Uh, I can't guarantee that.
|
| Elise
|
Is that Dan on the phone?
|
| Dan
|
Is that Elise? Don't tell her it's me.
|
| Chris
|
How did you know?
|
| Dan
|
Snitch.
|
| Elise
|
We're the only two people that call you. Why don't you go help him?
|
| Dan
|
Sweet! Get over here!
|
| Chris
|
(He gives Elise a kiss, leaving chocolate all over her lips and rushing off dropping the bowl, but comes back) Can I take some candy with me? (Wipes the candy off Elise's lips with his thumb, tasting the chocolate.)
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to Chris standing outside Dan's apartment as he knocks on the door.)
|
| Dan
|
(Answers the door) Never mind, I don't need your help. The situation is under control.
|
| Werewolf Kid
|
Help!
|
| Dan
|
Quiet!
|
| Chris
|
Who's that?
|
| Dan
|
The Wolf-man! I caught him!
|
| Chris
|
You caught him?
|
| Dan
|
Yep! Mission accomplished!
|
| Werewolf Kid
|
Help!
|
| Dan
|
Quiet! You can go.
|
| N/A
|
(Dan attempts to close the door, but Chris pushes back and opens the door. The kid with a werewolf mask is upside-down tied up.)
|
| Chris
|
Oh, Dan, this is not okay!
|
| Dan
|
What isn't okay? I caught the Wolf-Man!
|
| Chris
|
This isn't the Wolf-Man! Dan, you caught a trick-or-treater!
|
| Dan
|
Of course, it's the Wolf-Man! Look at him!
|
| Chris
|
Does he have claws?
|
| Dan
|
No.
|
| Chris
|
So, how did he scratch your car?
|
| Dan
|
Maybe...he grows claws!
|
| Chris
|
Dan, there is no such thing as the Wolf-Man!
|
| Dan
|
Of course there is!
|
| Chris
|
There is not!
|
| Werewolf Kid
|
I want to go home!
|
| Dan/Chris
|
(Both at the same time) QUIET!
|
| Chris
|
You can't go kidnapping children! And you! Don't you know not to go trick-or-treating without an adult?
|
| Dan
|
(As Chris is untying the kid) Yeah, there's a lot of crazies out there. You could end up on a milk carton.
|
| Chris
|
Awfully sorry about this. (The kid with the werewolf mask scoffs and kicks Chris in the knee as he yells in pain)
|
| Dan
|
Well, at least you're here to help me with the- (Points to a kid wearing a mask similar to Chewbacca's) Wolf-Man!! There he is, get him!
|
| Yeti Kid
|
Trick or- AAAH! (Runs off dropping his candy as Dan chases after him)
|
| Chris
|
Dan, stop! That's a yeti!
|
| N/A
|
(Dan and Chris chase after the kid following as he runs.)
|
| Yeti Kid
|
HELP ME! (Dan and Chris chase after him for a while as he removes his mask, revealing a blonde kid)
|
| Dan
|
He's reverting to human form! (They continue to chase after the kid as he drops his mask)
|
| Blonde Kid
|
AAAAH! (He runs past a cop who's casually about to eat a donut with Chris and Dan behind him)
|
| Cop
|
(About to eat his donut) Oh right, I'm a cop! Hey!
|
| N/A
|
(Sirens wail and a cell door is heard slamming as Dan and Chris end up in the holding cell.)
|
| Dan
|
This is much nicer than the last jail I was in.
|
| Chris
|
That's very reassuring.
|
| Dan
|
Don't get snippy.
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to the outside of the police station.)
|
| Police Officer
|
Alright, now which one of you is Chris?
|
| Chris
|
That's me, sir.
|
| Police Officer
|
(Pulling out an envelope labeled "EVIDENCE" placing out the items as he lists them) Okay, so we have a wallet, keys, a comb...
|
| Dan
|
Why do you have a comb? Your hair is boring.
|
| Police Officer
|
(Dumping out a locket with a picture of Elise with a heart) A locket with a picture in it...
|
| Dan
|
Hey, that's not me!
|
| Police Officer
|
(Pulls out three odd-looking cubes) Three bouillon cubes; two beef, one chicken...
|
| Dan
|
Really?
|
| Chris
|
There might be a soup-related emergency.
|
| Police Officer
|
Do you mind? I got a lot on my plate, and I don't need to be spending all day with a couple of knuckleheads like you two!
|
| Dan
|
Oh, yeah? What do you got going on that's so important?
|
| Police Officer
|
I'm in the middle of a book I'd like to finish sometime this year! (Pulls out the same "Toxic Buddy: Coping with an Angry Friend" book Chris read earlier)
|
| Chris
|
Good book, not all of it works though...
|
| Police Officer
|
Now, what else? (He pulls out another envelope) Okay, so are you Dan?
|
| Dan
|
Gimme my stuff!
|
| Police Officer
|
(Pulling out items again as he's listing them) Okay, we've got an enemies list and several expletive-laced letters to someone named Grandma... Also, I feel I should warn you that you are way past the legal limit on pocket lint.
|
| Dan
|
What I do in the privacy of my pockets is my business alone! You can't treat me like this! I know people who pay taxes! And where are my knucks?
|
| Police Officer
|
Brass knuckles are illegal in California. And the rest of the country. They've been confiscated.
|
| Dan
|
Confiscated? Confiscated?!
|
| Chris
|
(Whispers) Dan, don't!
|
| Dan
|
CONFISCATED?! (Throws a trash bin) I can't believe this! (Tearing a ton of paper from the bulletin board) Those were a gift from my mother! How dare you! I'm gonna confiscate this water! (Takes a sip from the water cooler and smiling) What's going on here?! How dare you! Well, I'm confiscating this, (Grabs the envelope) and this, (Grabs a pen) and I'm confiscating your hat!
|
| Police Officer
|
Sir, do not reach for my hat.
|
| N/A
|
(Dan grabs the police officer's hat anyway, walking backward and sticking his tongue out at the officer. The police officer tases Dan several times until his hair is standing on end, smoking. Dan and Chris exit the police station.)
|
| Chris
|
Well, that was completely humiliating.
|
| Dan
|
It wasn't my fault. That guy was being difficult.
|
| Chris
|
And whose fault was it that we were jailed for assaulting a minor?
|
| Dan
|
Okay, so maybe the kid wasn't the Wolf-Man.
|
| Chris
|
Maybe?!
|
| Dan
|
Okay, probably! There, are you happy now?!
|
| Chris
|
What about this situation would make me happy?!
|
| N/A
|
(Dan's hair fizzles a bit. The scene cuts to Dan and Chris driving home.)
|
| Chris
|
I'm so tired.
|
| Dan
|
That is just like you. One minor run-in with the law and you're set to give up. Not me, pal!
|
| Chris
|
Give up? No, I'm gonna drop you off and go to bed.
|
| Dan
|
And let the Wolf-Man roam free?
|
| Chris
|
(Sighs) For the last time, there is no- (Dan covers his mouth as a wolf howl is heard)
|
| Dan
|
Shh! Did you hear that?
|
| Chris
|
Probably a dog.
|
| Dan
|
Drive north. North, you monkey!
|
| N/A
|
(Chris turns the car in the other direction towards the freeway as Dan slams his head on the dashboard as several cars are in traffic.)
|
| Dan
|
Ow! Oh, come on! How can there be a traffic jam at this hour?
|
| Chris
|
Halloween. Normal people are coming back from costume parties, not police stations!
|
| Dan
|
I hate everyone.
|
| Chris
|
You don't hate everyone.
|
| Dan
|
I do! I hate everyone!
|
| Chris
|
All that anger is not good for you, ya know. It's eating you alive!
|
| Dan
|
You know what you can eat?
|
| Chris
|
I don't have to be out here driving you around, you know. I've got better things to do than looking for mythical creatures!
|
| Dan
|
He's not mythical, he scratched-
|
| Chris
|
(Overlapping over Dan) I have put up with an awful lot-
|
| Dan
|
(Overlapping over Chris) My car! He scratched my car!
|
| Chris
|
(Overlapping over Dan) I have put up with an awful lot from you on this stupid quest of yours, but no more! I'm out!
|
| Chris
|
(Mumbling) You're stupid.
|
| Chris
|
Next time, you should have one of your OTHER friends to help you.
|
| Dan
|
Like who?
|
| Chris
|
I don't know, how about your friend, Ted?
|
| Dan
|
He's not talking to me right now.
|
| Chris
|
You know, people struggling with anger- (Gets cut off as the Wolf-Man is seen rushing past their car)
|
| Dan
|
That's him!
|
| N/A
|
(The Wolf-Man stops what he is doing as he stares at Dan, confused. Dan gives an evil smirk as the Wolf-Man glares, causing Dan to glare back. The Wolf-Man glares some more, giving a growl before howling and jumping on three cars.)
|
| Chris
|
That's the...Wolf-Man?
|
| Dan
|
Come on, get after him! Pretend he's a sandwich!
|
| Chris
|
What kind of sandwich?
|
| N/A
|
(Dan steps on the gas pedal as the car drives forward bumping a car a bit.)
|
| Chris
|
Watch out! Stop it! Let go!
|
| Dan
|
You let go!
|
| Chris
|
It's my car!
|
| N/A
|
(The Wolf-Man jumps over more cars as Dan causes him and Chris to skid out of control.)
|
| Dan
|
We're gonna lose him!
|
| Chris
|
Then let me drive!
|
| Dan
|
Fine!
|
| N/A
|
(The car swerves some more causing a donut as the Wolf-Man is seen waiting at a stoplight waiting for the light to turn green as Dan and Chris accidentally run over him as Chris stops the car. Dan and Chris lean forward to see if they hit him, but the Wolf-Man's paw reaches on top of their car and they gasp. The Wolf-Man inches closer towards them and growls while breathing on Chris' windshield, roaring. Dan and Chris hold each other screaming as Chris hits the reverse on the shift and they back up, the Wolf-Man falling off the car, dazed as he runs off.)
|
| Dan
|
What are you doing? Get after him!
|
| Chris
|
I... can't move!
|
| Dan
|
Aaargh! (He kicks Chris out of the car and drives off.)
|
| Chris
|
You are coming back, right?
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to Dan driving Chris' car looking for the Wolf-Man using a searchlight to lure him out.)
|
| Dan
|
Wolf-Man...Come out to play...(The scene cuts to Dan driving the car in the park) Wolf-Man...(The next scene cuts to Dan in the lake with the car.) Wolf-Man... (The scene then cuts to Dan driving the car through a couple's house as a man slowly opens his eyes, waking up.) Wolf-Man...
|
| N/A
|
(The next scene cuts to Dan driving back as Chris is walking and waits for him.)
|
| Chris
|
You didn't have to ditch me.
|
| Dan
|
I think we both know that I did. You froze. You let the team down.
|
| Chris
|
The team?
|
| Dan
|
Team Dan.
|
| Chris
|
Did you at least catch the Wolf-Man?
|
| Dan
|
No, jerkface! I didn't catch the Wolf-Man! I lost him on Laurel Canyon, thanks to your freezing up like a bedwetter in winter.
|
| Chris
|
Where could he have gone?
|
| Dan
|
He probably lives around there somewhere. Next full moon, that's where we'll start.
|
| Chris
|
So we try again in a month.
|
| Dan
|
No. Go home. Find silver. We need silver to stop the Wolf-Man. Come back with as much silver as you can find. And a cupcake.
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to Chris waiting outside Dan's apartment).
|
| Dan
|
You are like the slowest driver in the world!
|
| Chris
|
Thanks for helping me, Chris.
|
| Dan
|
(Mocking Chris) "Muminamumana Chris." Give me your silver. (Chris gives Dan a silver coin) This is it? I told you to bring me all the silver you can find and you bring me one lousy coin?
|
| Chris
|
Yeah, and I'm actually gonna need that back, it's kind of a family heirloom. (as Dan is slowly burning the coin) It was my great-great-grandfather's lucky silver- Hey! Dan, knock it off!
|
| Dan
|
I need silver to wound the Wolf-Man, it's part of my plan! (Dan places the coin on the anvil) I'll give it back later!
|
| Chris
|
But it'll be destroyed!
|
| Dan
|
(Pounding on the hot coin with a hammer) Stop the whining!
|
| N/A
|
(Chris shudders in fear. Dan is still working as Chris checks his watch. Chris sleeps while Dan welds his coin creating a silver arrow.)
|
| Dan
|
Yes, that will do nicely. In one month's time, this will pierce the flesh of the Wolf-Man! (Dan laughs evilly as lightning strikes outside.)
|
| Chris
|
That's odd. It's not even raining.
|
| Dan
|
(Dan kisses the silver bullet before realizing it's still glowing hot, burning his lips and yelps in pain) Ahh! Oooh, hot, hot hot!
|
| Chris
|
Do you even own a bow?
|
| Dan
|
Nope! But I know where to get one.
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to Chris and Dan digging in an archaeological dig site as a sign reads"ARCHAEOLOGICAL DIG SITE KEEP OUT")
|
| Chris
|
I still don't feel right about this.
|
| Dan
|
Keep digging!
|
| Chris
|
I mean I've done some questionable things before, but this feels like grave robbing. Plus, I've heard this place is haunted.
|
| Dan
|
(scoffs) It's not haunted! Besides, do you know a better place to find a bow?
|
| Chris
|
Uh, a sporting goods store, just off the top of my head.
|
| Dan
|
I don't have any money. Besides, shut up.
|
| Chris
|
(Offscreen) Aah! (A skull is seen on the end of Chris' shovel.) Oh, gross! A skull.
|
| Dan
|
Let me see. Cool!
|
| Chris
|
Yeah.
|
| N/A
|
(Dan and Chris continue to dig. Chris falls asleep as Dan crawls out of the pit carrying a crossbow)
|
| Dan
|
Finally.
|
| Chris
|
(Wakes up) Oh, you got it?
|
| Dan
|
No thanks to you, Sleeping Ugly. Now drive me home.
|
| Chris
|
(Yawns) Ugh, what time is it?
|
| Dan
|
4 AM.
|
| Chris
|
(Sighs) I'm supposed to have breakfast with Elise and her parents. I've been up all night, I'm covered in dirt. I'm going to be completely dead in the morning.
|
| Dan
|
Not as dead as they are!
|
| N/A
|
(The skeleton warriors rise up out of the ground as the leader with a cracked skull puts his head on and points to Chris signaling the others to kill him)
|
| Chris
|
Oh no.
|
| Dan
|
Run!
|
| N/A
|
(Dan and Chris head back to the car as the skeletons pursue them and Chris drives off.
|
| Dan
|
In your face, neolithic indigenous zombies!
|
| Chris
|
Dan, don't taunt the undead!
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to morning as Dan and Chris arrive back at Dan's apartment, Chris looking tired.)
|
| Dan
|
See you in about a month!
|
| Chris
|
I guess. (Chris drives his car off.)
|
| Dan
|
Enjoy your stupid breakfast!
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to Chez Vous restaurant where Chris is snoring in front of Elise and her parents, Don and Elise Sr.)
|
| Elise
|
He's been..um..working. Really hard.
|
| N/A
|
(Chris is still snoring as Don glares in disapproval.)
|
| Elise
|
Mom, Dad, watch! He does a really cool trick! (She shoves an egg under Chris' plate of salad and sausages as he gobbles it up.) See? (laughs nervously)
|
| N/A
|
(Chris burps as Don sniffs the air and looks away disapprovingly with Elise Sr. shocked. The scene cuts to the full moon again as text reads "ANOTHER MONTH LATER". Dan and Chris are sitting in Chris' car holding donuts and coffee respectively as Dan sips.)
|
| Dan
|
Man, I hate coffee.
|
| Chris
|
Well, why'd you get it?
|
| Dan
|
I use their bathroom.
|
| Chris
|
What does using their bathroom have to do with anything?
|
| Dan
|
Bathrooms are for customers only, Chris.
|
| Chris
|
Okay, but why did you get coffee?
|
| Dan
|
We're on a stakeout. You have to have coffee on a stakeout! Tell me how it's possible to have a stakeout and not have a styrofoamed cup of joe!
|
| Chris
|
Whatever! Can we just drop it?
|
| Dan
|
Fine!
|
| Chris
|
Fine!
|
| Dan
|
Fine! I still hate coffee.
|
| Chris
|
Fine! I don't care! Can we please stop talking about the coffee?
|
| Dan
|
Fine! These donuts suck.
|
| Chris
|
Then stop eating them! And why did we have to take my car?
|
| Dan
|
Do you know how expensive gas is? It's like seven bucks a gallon!
|
| Chris
|
Right! That's my point! This is your revenge, you should at least chip in for-(A howl is heard and Dan covers Chris' mouth.)
|
| Dan
|
Shh! (Checks around to see if the Wolf-Man is still around.) Let's roll! (Throws the coffee cup not realizing the window is closed as it spills all over him and Chris.) Aaah! Hot coffee!
|
| Chris
|
All over the car!
|
| Dan
|
Drive!
|
| N/A
|
(Dan and Chris drive the car accidentally hitting a cyclist.)
|
| Chris
|
Oh no! I ran over another cyclist!
|
| Dan
|
Don't stop! Drive!
|
| Chris
|
I should probably at least see if the guy's okay.
|
| Dan
|
He's fine. I saw him get up.
|
| Chris
|
Really?
|
| Dan
|
Absolutely.
|
| N/A
|
(Cut a scene where two paramedics are loading the injured cyclist into an ambulance as onlookers watch.)
|
| Paramedic 1
|
He is not fine.
|
| Paramedic 2
|
Yeah, he won't be getting up for a long time.
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts back to Dan and Chris pursuing the Wolf-Man.)
|
| Dan
|
He's close. I can sense his presence.
|
| Chris
|
You can't sense his presence.
|
| Dan
|
I can so. Shut up.
|
| N/A
|
The scene cuts to the Wolf-Man at a taco place.)
|
| Wolf-Man
|
Mmm...Tacos...
|
| N/A
|
(Dan and Chris follow closely towards him)
|
| Dan
|
I told you I can sense him! Get close!
|
| N/A
|
(Dan stands on the chair up to the sunroof and is wielding the bow as the Wolf-Man is eating tacos and looks in shock as Dan aims to fire, causing him to drop his tacos and run away.)
|
| Dan
|
Chris, drive!
|
| Chris
|
Right!
|
| N/A
|
(Chris speeds the car to pursue the running Wolf-Man)
|
| Dan
|
Keep it steady, buddy! We only have one shot at this! Fetch this, Fido. (Dan shoots the arrow as it lands in the butt of the Wolf-Man.)
|
| Chris
|
Good shot!
|
| Dan
|
We've got him now! Stop here! (Chris presses the brakes running into a trash bin) I knew if we wounded him, he'd lead us to his home!
|
| Chris
|
His wolf den.
|
| Dan
|
Why do you have to give everything a name?
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to Dan and Chris on the elevator as a trail of the Wolf-Man's blood is seen.)
|
| Chris
|
So, that's blood?
|
| Dan
|
I don't know. Taste it.
|
| Chris
|
(Chris does so) That's blood. Aw, gross!
|
| Dan
|
314. Perfect!
|
| N/A
|
(The scene cuts to the interior of the Wolf-Man's apartment where the Wolf-Man howls in pain as Dan and Chris hear it, the full moon covering as The Wolf-Man transforms back into Wally in his underwear.)
|
| Wally
|
What maniac shoots a guy in the butt with an arrow? Bunch of filthy animals in this town.
|
| N/A
|
(Dan and Chris go down the elevator.)
|
| Chris
|
So, I guess we need some more silver.
|
| Dan
|
For what?
|
| Chris
|
You know, to uh, you know, kill the Wolf-Man.
|
| Dan
|
Kill him?
|
| Chris
|
Yeah, now that we know where lives.
|
| Dan
|
The guy scratches my car and you wanna kill him?
|
| Chris
|
Well, yeah, he's a menace!
|
| Dan
|
What are you, a psycho?
|
| Chris
|
No, I just thought we were- (Dan covers his mouth)
|
| Dan
|
Shhh... You've got some serious anger issues. You know they have books for that.
|
| N/A
|
(Dan and Chris head to the garage where Wally is parked and Dan scratches his car with a key.)
|
| Chris
|
That's it? You keyed his car?
|
| Dan
|
Yep, now we're even. He scratched my car, I scratched his.
|
| Chris
|
We spent months on this. We steal from an archaeological dig, my car smells like coffee and my great-great-grandfather's lucky silver dollar has been pounded flat and is now lodged in the right buttock of a were-creature, all so you could key his car?!
|
| Dan
|
Yeah. Wanna hit Burgerphile?
|
| Chris
|
No, I don't wanna- I just- ah- with the- how could you- you know what, I- (Stammers for a bit) Yeah, okay...
|
| Dan
|
You're buying.
|
| Chris
|
Oh. (Sighs in relief) I'm glad that's over with. No more monsters.
|
| N/A
|
(The same skeleton with a cracked skull is slowly approaching Chris with a hatchet roaring ferociously before getting hit by a truck. The scene then cuts to Wally heading downstairs to the garage, seeing his car scratched and howls in anger, ending the episode.)
|
