Dan Vs. Wiki

This page is a transcript for New Mexico. Please add to the contents of this page, but only information that pertain to the article.

New mexico

Next: The Wolf-Man

Speaker Dialogue
N/A (The episode begins outside of Dan's apartment, with the alarm clock ringing in the background. It then cuts to inside his apartment where Dan is still sleeping. He then wakes up grabs the alarm clock and throws it out of the window angrily. Cut to outside where a jogger is jogging before the alarm clock goes lands on his head knocking him out. Cut to back inside Dan's apartment.)
Dan (Sighs) Today's gonna be a good day. (Gets up but knocks his head on the lamp) Ow!
N/A (The lamp hits Dan on the head a few more times before he finally stops it with his hand. He then gets out of bed but slips on a burrito making him land on his back with a Thud!)
Dan Oh great, there goes breakfast.
N/A (Reveal that the burrito is from New Mexico. Cut to Dan trying to walk out of his apartment yet accidentally hits his foot on a Pirates of New Mexico model set.)
Dan Ah. My foot. Stupid thing! (Kicks it yet it just hurts him again) Ah! My foot! Stupid thing! (Goes to kick again but quickly stops himself) See, I learn. (Walks back to his bed but hits his head on the lamp) Ow!
N/A (Cut to outside the door of Dan's apartment where an armadillo is scurrying across the floor, and Dan then opens the door looking worse for wear.)
Dan I don't know why I even put that lamp there in the first place! (Closes the door) What the heck would you make a swinging lamp for?! Makes me wanna burn down the seventies! (He trips over the now curled up armadillo) Ah! Ah! Oof! (Lands on his face, muffled) Stupid armadillo.
Armadillo (Hisses)
Dan (Gets up) I'm gonna laugh when you're roadkill. What the? (His car is busted) Not my car. Cactus needles?! Red dirt?! A postcard?! NEW MEXICO!!!
N/A (The Dan Vs. New Mexico logo appears on screen.)
Chris (Using his computer, on the phone) Uh, let's see… New Mexico became a state on January 6th, 1912.
N/A (Dan is sitting on an armchair looking bored and annoyed.)
Chris (Off Screen) Making it the 47th state in the Union.
Dan And a Capricorn.
Chris (Off Screen) The capital is Santa Fe, its population is just under two million.
Chris State bird is the roadrunner. (Shows a framed photograph of Chris and Elise) Elise hates roadrunners. (Back on Chris) Uh, state flower, Yucca flower.
N/A (Cut back to Dan who looks bored out of his mind.)
Chris (Off Screen) State song, O Fair New Mexico, which: (Sings) O Fair New Mexico. We love, we love you so.
Dan Enough already! You're not helping me here! What are it's weaknesses?
Chris (Off Screen) Uh, weaknesses...
Dan How do I hurt it?
N/A (Cut back to Chris using his computer.)
Chris Uhh… It doesn't say.
Dan (Off Screen) We need more information.
Chris (Smiling) You should go to the library.
Dan (Off Screen) Fine. Be here in half an hour.
Chris Yeah I kinda have to work today so I can't-
N/A (Dan hangs up.)
Chris Hello? Dan?
N/A (Cut to outside the library before it quickly cuts to inside the library. Dan walks up to Chris.)
Dan None of this is helping! (Chris shushes him) Don't shush me! You don't shush me! (Goes onto the bookcase so he can be at the same height as Chris) NOBODY SHUSHES ME!!
N/A (Chris shushes Dan again causing Dan to throw a book at his face, Chris tries again but this just results in Dan throwing a book at him again. They soon start to fight, causing them to get thrown out.)
Chris Well that's the first time I've ever been thrown out of a library.
Dan You get used to it.
Chris (He and Dan stand back up) Now what? You still need information.
Dan Don't be stupid. We go to a different library.
Chris (Stomach rumbles) I need lunch first.
Dan It's ten in the morning.
Chris It's twelve o'clock somewhere.
N/A (Cut to Dan and Chris at a diner.)
Dan Hurry up, you're wasting valuable time.
Chris Is there a time limit on revenge?
Dan There's an old saying, "Revenge is a dish best served immediately".
Chris I don't think that's a saying.
N/A (Dan makes Chris' drink fall to the ground.)
Chris Hey.
N/A (Cut to Dan and Chris pulling up to another library, in Chris' car.)
Chris Are you gonna behave yourself this time? (Dan pinches his nose) Ouch! What was that for?
Dan You talk to me like a child, I pinch-a you.
Chris Can you just keep your cool?
Dan (Gets out of the car) We'll see.
N (Cut to Dan and Chris in the library and in front of the librarians desk.)
Dan (Points) Hey Magellan. Books are that-a way.
Chris I want to ask that Librarian. Maybe he can find what you're looking for.
Dan Help us? For free?
Chris That's what they do.
Dan Doesn't hurt to try I guess.
Librarian May I help you?
Dan I doubt it.
Librarian May I help you, Sir?
Chris Yes, we're looking for information on New Mexico.
Librarian Right over there between the 900s and the 908s.
Dan He's talking in code, get him!
N/A (Dan is about to attack the Librarian, however Chris picks him up by the back of his shirt and holds him back.)
Chris It's not code, Dan. It's the Dewey Decimal system.
Dan Which is a code!
Chris Well yes! But... but it's a benign one.
Dan (Gets let go of) So he's just talking about books?
Chris He is a librarian.
Dan Hey buddy, don't you think we've tried all the normal books?
Chris We need some specific information.
Dan How do we hurt New Mexico?
Librarian Why would you wanna do that?
Dan It's personal.
Librarian Personal vendettas against states? Sure. Right over there in the Do-It-Yourself section.
Dan Thank you good sir. (Walks off before immediately stopping) Wait a minute! (Goes back to the librarian quickly) Drop the attitude pal, we're customers! I told you this guy couldn't help us.
Librarian I didn't say that. I can help you, but I want something in return.
Dan I knew it! Librarians are jerks!
Chris Let's hear him out.
Librarian You see that goon over there?